He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
