im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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