Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
