That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
