she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
