This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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