I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
