The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
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Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
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There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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