she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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