we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Randomize
