The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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