sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
me + whiskey = a bad person
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
