Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So squirting runs in the family.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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