I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
