It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent