How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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