as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
