I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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