last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
