Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
