Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
People in love make me want to vomit
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
two words...techno handjob
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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