I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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