I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
