On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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