also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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