Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
