She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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