That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
