I wannas sexs uuuuu
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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