Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
