I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
