She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize