Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
