Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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