i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
