i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
