garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
