I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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