Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
