ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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