I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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