I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
