I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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