he puts the penis in happiness.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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