Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
