Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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