I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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