Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
