Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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