my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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