My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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