theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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