I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
