I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
