So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I puked a lego.
no, he came in my armpit
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
