I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Damn victory sex feels great
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
