My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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