my phone needs a breathalizer
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
