I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
