dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
