Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
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I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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