the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
