since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
