perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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