he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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