These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
