A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
