If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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