good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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