This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
