you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
