i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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