you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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