WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
