It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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