dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
