I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
