Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
