I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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