i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
