Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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