Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is my gift to your gina
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
