You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
ok first of all what the fuck
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
