my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
