threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
