you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
