and next time when you feel me up, do it right
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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