explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
