if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
