Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
